Getting started

Hello and welcome to a glimpse of what goes on in my mind. I never realized how much I have to say or really how much I think. So I'm pretty random and think some of the crazy ideas. I feel alone alot in a full house hold. Be prepared you have been warned just so you know now don't try to analyze me or figure me out trust me its to much. So recently I have been putting working out and eating right off just so lonely and depressed to even think im worthy of such amazing life style.  Well all in all im just lazy that is no doubt but I think writing everyday and ok that is a big commitment as well but write down everything I eat snap pictures what ever it takes. I am 30ish years old and im tired no thats un called for im young I wanna do what I feel.  Im gonna change normally ppl start on January 1st I get that but I dont wanna sound cookie cut I wanna do I need to do this im so embarrassed about my weight I cant even type it here ugh....loser!!! Ok so its 10:00am central time I haven't eaten anything or even drank anything wtf!!! I have 100 things to do cause my husband needs me to hold his hand to do anything and really I just think he need help to but I can't force anyone to get help or reach out. Lets make this clear I love my husband he is an amazing partner but as a father or homemaker well Mr. Mom needs help ok well now I have to go pretty random I knw but now I get to start my day because my husband is ready for the day ugh little note I have been up since 8 on my day off ready to go and now he wants to get going...why can't I just do shit on my own...oh yeah lack of motivation all I have is to bitch why he wasn't ready...till next time