What am I doing??

Okay I am so sure most of you balance work and home kids money finances and bills I mean I can go on and on is 5 o'clock in the morning right now and all I can do is think about all the things that I didn't get done somewhere im going to have to balance home work chores and sciences the most important going to have to balance my husband and children in that busy life I feel so bad that I have not been a part of my children's school life it's not like me to not be a part of their school life their parties their school activities feel trips I can do it if it I also feel bad for not taking the time out for me I feel lazy and I feel overwhelmed does anybody else get the? Or my the only one I don't know exactly how to balance this I'll be there always been the working mom with one kid or the stay-at-home mom with three children.at this point I just don't know what to do anymore anymore energy so I buy supplements I need to lose weight so I have my pills nothing works I have to much stress things are barely getting better with my husband and my children well they're my children sweet loving defiant the children and then I have their father loves to just add more the number one person I depend on to help me raise my children I can't rely on him and then he makes me feel like it's my fault he can't be a father WTF so I guess this following week coming up I'm going to research over the weekend how to balance work and home I need to get organized I need to quit just saying quit making excuses my days will start at 3 AM I'll go to the gym workout get myself healthy because if I'm not I'll see how much a show my children to be healthy come home do a chore Weatherby laundry clean up the bathroom takes 15 minutes I have to do something I can't just want it to fall in place I need my marriage to work so I have to work at it as well I believe now he's on the same page as me that it can just be for me it's going to have to come from him and then include affection and last night was amazing no sex just pure affection and I felt so good I'm hopeful hopefully that'll work in the meantime I will keep my head up and I will continue to go strong and loving in my marriage okay so we're wasn't yes 3 AM mornings and go to work thankfully I have someone who can still help me with the kids but on that note I have to make sure that they have everything they need so Sunday's looks like a good day I have to meal plan I have to pull out outfits for the week I will make Wyatts lunch every day before I go to bed this can work Lotta people do it I just need to have the drive and I know I want this so it will happen

Gasket blown

I had it I had it I have had it!!!  I don't understand why I strive for excellence.im angry when it's doesn't happen when I get told excuses and nothing but excuses I just want this wheel to turn already I honestly dislike the fighting we do I want a good wholesome marriage I want my kids to be respectful and self discipline we all have a job I want it to  be  equal and smoothly run I need peace I need love I need assurance I know things will change I have to keep believing it will get better 

Committing for a year

Been some time but lets catch up... so I have been going to the gym everyday but the past two days... the kids I have committed them to a year of karate.... also plan to read 100 books just because I wanna expand my mind may e I can get the kids involved in that little journey I know I can with baby girl... ok so the hubby and me well idk some times things work out ok other time it's world war 3 I love him but he seriously brings my self confidence down... im glad the kids are in karate I truly believe its gonna help them with self confidence endurance and aeld esteem especially the twins well I guess thats it for now more good things to come this year for us

Living a day in my day off

All I want is just to relax just be leisure but seriously with this woman who is just crazy bi polar wont allow me to.  Seriously I know I have shit to do. But ur always in my face just fuck off if I wanna watch tv catch up on my shows then clean yes I will . If I wanna bust my ass clean then relax guess what thats my business ugh. So hubby got new job totally awesome so I guess im up gonna get shit done ugh . It won't be like thoa for long oh hey I have so far not had any sodas and bewn getting up to work out on my fitness yay for me. Alright lets do this gonna charge my phone and play my jams. Peace out dor now . I love thia writing all my thoughts helps me not keep them bottled in!!

Wtf!!!

So its going to be a rant apologizing now.... so I am in no way looking for medals or a pat on the back for my good deeds but really let me break it down... if u are some one who appreciates honesty wouldn't you be one to give it back especially when someone ask u repeatedly are u ok because obviously ur not but that's my problem dude I give ppl way to much credit and sympathize to much for ppl then it slaps me in the face ugh I know better ppl are assholes even when u do shit for them money u spend on them its ugly and sad part is I know ppl are always gonna be assholes. I hate emotions and because u made me cry is not at all at ur doing its my emotions cause I know better to believe u are not 90% of the world's assholes. So those tears are all what I wanna say but can't because I can control my mouth and know words can hurt especially my words but not hurt u hurt me because I can allow my self to walked on fuck u and ur drama and fuck u self stupid to believe ppl are who they truly are open ur fuckin eyes and get it through ur head ur turn to be the ASSHOLE!!!  Ok thanks rant over!!

Getting started

Hello and welcome to a glimpse of what goes on in my mind. I never realized how much I have to say or really how much I think. So I'm pretty random and think some of the crazy ideas. I feel alone alot in a full house hold. Be prepared you have been warned just so you know now don't try to analyze me or figure me out trust me its to much. So recently I have been putting working out and eating right off just so lonely and depressed to even think im worthy of such amazing life style.  Well all in all im just lazy that is no doubt but I think writing everyday and ok that is a big commitment as well but write down everything I eat snap pictures what ever it takes. I am 30ish years old and im tired no thats un called for im young I wanna do what I feel.  Im gonna change normally ppl start on January 1st I get that but I dont wanna sound cookie cut I wanna do I need to do this im so embarrassed about my weight I cant even type it here ugh....loser!!! Ok so its 10:00am central time I haven't eaten anything or even drank anything wtf!!! I have 100 things to do cause my husband needs me to hold his hand to do anything and really I just think he need help to but I can't force anyone to get help or reach out. Lets make this clear I love my husband he is an amazing partner but as a father or homemaker well Mr. Mom needs help ok well now I have to go pretty random I knw but now I get to start my day because my husband is ready for the day ugh little note I have been up since 8 on my day off ready to go and now he wants to get going...why can't I just do shit on my own...oh yeah lack of motivation all I have is to bitch why he wasn't ready...till next time